The last time I wore this tuxedo I was racially assaulted
Racism - no that doesn’t happen to me. I know it happens to some of my brothers and sisters but no, not to me.
My relationship with the subject matter of race is a long one. Our relationship status would definitely be - it’s complicated.
I’ll give you a whistle-stop tour; I was born in Nigeria, emigrated to the UK at the age of 9. To fit in I let go of aspects of myself like my Nigerian accent and embraced the queens English. My dad always preached the ‘work twice as hard sermon’. Race played a big role in my relationship. Race was discussed a lot during my first year of therapy.
The year is 2023, I feel like I’ve made peace with race. I’m black, I’m African, I happen to have a Nigerian and a British passport. It’s all good.
In October 2023, I was inspired to put on an exhibition for Black History Month called ‘Rooted in Beauty’. The exhibition was a celebration of how far individuals from African and Caribbean backgrounds had come in proudly wearing their natural hairstyles. I photographed 14 amazing individuals in and around Manchester and conducted interviews with each of them and wrote a poem which you can find on the projects YouTube page.
In those interviews, common themes arose - lack of representation, cognitive angst, and stress. Stress that others who didn’t have black hair remained oblivious to. Whether it was the panic of picking an appropriate hairstyle the day before a job interview, or the softening of one’s voice so as not to scare someone or straightening your hair to fit into society - being black can sometimes be exhausting.
The exhibition couldn’t have gone better; the panel discussion sparked some real insights which made the audience think and challenged some of their preconceived ideas; students from Oasis Academy created some amazing art work to convey their experiences with hair.
It’s fair to say that I was on a high - I had created something that communicated the beauty of black hair and celebrated the fact that more people were reclaiming their natural styles.
But there ain’t nothing like a bit of racism to burst your bubble and bring you back down to earth.
The last time I wore this tuxedo was at my works Christmas party. It was a great celebration; a 3 course meal, photo booths and smiles all around. We decided to go to Revolucion de Cuba for an after party.
My hair is in braids; a protective style I ask my hairdresser to put it in after interlocking my dreadlocks because it requires low maintenance and I love the curls that surface when I take the braids out. The tuxedo looks sharp, the top button is undone and the self-tie bow tie is laid to rest over my torso - I’m feeling good. With a drink in my hand I’ve decided to go exploring. I attempt to walk through a group of white males without thinking much about it and just before I clear the crossing I feel one of my braids is pulled. I turn around and face the culprit, at this point I’m calm; someone’s been unjust towards me but the teacher in me sees this as an opportunity to explain his wrongdoing. I ask him “what do you think you are doing?”, he looks at me cluelessly. And before you know it I’m surrounded by 10 white males and the mood is tense. The intimidation starts but I’m not easily intimidated - I’ll stand my ground. One of these males gets in my face and knocks my drink out of my hand. I’ll never forget the words he utters “you could be dealing with it better”.
Wow.
At this point a colleague of mine and a member of the group step in and walk me over to another side of the bar. I should add that both my colleague and this male are white. The male from the group looks gob smacked and ashamed. He discloses that he is the manager of the individual who’s pulled my hair and that they’re out on a Christmas celebration. It’s very clear that he understands the severity of the situation. I tell him that I was willing to have a word and resolve the situation but the aggression showed by the group has meant that I can’t do that.
In that moment I’m amused by the irony - I, the artist/photographer who has just put on this exhibition a few weeks prior have my hair pulled by a white male. It felt like the universe was in a humorous mood that day. Whilst conducting the project I listened to stories about discrimination based on hair but I never personally felt that I had experienced discrimination based on my own hair. For context, this is after shifting my mindset through therapy and friends who challenged my previous thought patterns. I had become emboldened and chose to walk the path of life by not automatically thinking my skin or physical attributes were negative. But let’s be honest it’s not an impenetrable mindset, sometimes there were wobbles but I stayed on that path and it felt liberating.
I was able to rationalise my action on this day by asking myself the question “what would I advise one of the students I had worked with on this project to do if they came to me with this problem?” I would tell them to stand up against this injustice and ensure the culprit takes responsibility for their actions. That was how I came to the decision that I would need to escalate things.
Over the course of the next couple of months I began proceedings with the police. The manager had given me his name, employer and contact details. The police officer on the case was new and this was her first incident she was dealing with. I could feel the enthusiasm. In all of my dealings with the police they were helpful and supportive. Unfortunately, the manager chose not to cooperate with the police and with the help of a close lawyer friend I contacted their employers. They also appeared to take the situation seriously. Unfortunately, due to data protection they were unable to share any information with me but assured me they had investigated the matter thoroughly.
The first couple of weeks after this incident were the toughest. I seldom felt like a victim in my life but this situation put me in that category. On the night the two colleagues who spoke to me immediately afterwards showed sympathy and frustration but the next time I saw them they didn’t mention anything about what they had witnessed. I guess I had expectations that they would check in as a minimum. I was also writing my masters dissertation at the time and felt like this was the last thing I needed to be dealing with but I guess you can’t choose when racism happens to you.
In addition to some family the individuals who provided the greatest support to me during this period were women who did not come from the same background as me; they were white. They were also from a different generation. However, all of these differences meant fuck all because I felt their genuine love and care. Emma and Amanda - I’m eternally grateful to you 🙏🏾. Not that I needed the evidence but this showed me that post this experience hating/holding grievances against white people would not bring me any form of inner peace.
I must admit that the black box impact of not finding out what actions his employers took was frustrating. Nonetheless, I found peace and my recent Vipassana meditation experience has taught me that craving only leads to misery. Craving justice, craving retribution, craving an apology. There was also a responsibility I felt in taking the actions that I did. It’s similar to what Jon Batiste mentions in his documentary ‘American Symphony‘ about carrying the weight of your whole race. I could have reacted with violence in the moment but I’ve long learnt that violence would make me no better than the perpetrator and now I can hold my head up and walk away with my 👑 still in place.
This experience has also taught me the real life implications that art/creativity/storytelling can play in standing up to injustice. It’s like my frantic attempts to find the answer to my life’s purpose have been answered in the most unprecedented way.
So what do I hope that you take from me sharing my story?
Firstly, I don’t want your pity or your sympathy. I have found peace and processed the situation which Is why I can write this. I want this story to live somewhere in the back of your mind. I want it to challenge you to take action if you see this type of behaviour occur. I want you to raise your kids and teach them that this behaviour is unacceptable. Lastly, as a minimum if you happen to see someone on the receiving end of this behaviour, I want you to check in with them.
That is all. As Orlov the meerkat would say - Simples. It really is.
Ciao 👋🏽